Poetry Portfolio Kevin
Yoshimoto
Poem 1 (original):
Your fat and your selfish
You smell like dead fish.
You always smoke weed
And never done a good deed.
You're a puny onion-eyed maggot-pie
Who looks like they were raised in a pigsty.
And never will anyone like you
They hate every little thing you do.
So long as you're a dwarfish toad
I hope you get killed crossing a road.
Poem 1 (revised):
You're fat and selfish,
You smell of dead fish.
You smoke lots of weed,
And never do good deeds.
You're a puny onion-eyed maggot-pie,
And look like you've been raised in a pigsty.
And never will anyone like you,
Because they hate everything you do.
So long as you're a dwarfish toad,
I hope you get killed when crossing a road.
Reflection On Poem 1:
In this poem, I think my strength was being able to insult
someone using different characteristics about them. For example, the poem
insults the persons looks, personality, characteristics, and hopes for them to
get killed. I think my weakness was at first finding a way to fit all the words
with each other in the original. But by the revised poem, I think I improved a
little in making the words fit into each other better. I was able to use old
language insults such as onion-eyed maggot-pie and dwarfish toad. I think in
the revised poem I was able to use less words that describe more of what I am
trying to say. I tried to use my idea and thoughts of when I am angry at
someone to make this poem and get all the emotions and thoughts about the
person to fit in with each other in one poem.
Pome 2 (original):
I find space on the side of the road to sit
I wear clothes all the time that barely fit.
My beard is as long as a foot
And I often use things that I took.
I ride on buses to get around
And cash in cans and bottles I found.
I walk along highways all day and night
I look like a mess, an ugly sight.
I'm a vagabond, wheeling around a grocery cart
I often sleep on the side by Wal-Mart.
Poem 2 (revised):
I rest on the side of the road and sit,
I wear clothes all the time that barely fit.
My beard is all covered in soot,
And it's almost as long as a foot.
I ride on buses to get around,
And cash in cans and bottles I found.
I walk along highways all day and night,
I look like a mess, an ugly sight.
I'm a vagabond, wheeling around a grocery cart
I often sleep on the side of Wal-Mart.
Reflection On Poem 2:
In my riddle poem, I was trying to describe the looks and
characteristics of a homeless man. I think my strength in this poem was being
able to describe what homeless people actually do since we see them all the
time. For example, they dig in trashcans looking for cans and bottles to redeem
for cash, and they wheel around grocery carts filled with all of their
belongings. I think my weakness in this poem is being able to use more
descriptive words to tell how the homeless man is and use less simple words
like instead of saying "I look like a mess, and ugly sight." I could
say something to describe how messy and what makes me him look like a mess. I
think in the revised poem, I was able to show a little more and tell a little
less than the original poem by taking out unnecessary words that don't really
add any value to the poem. I used my ideas of homeless people and what they do
to describe in words how they act. I also tried to organize the poem so it
rhymes and try to connect things together like "My beard is all covered in
soot, and it's almost as long as a foot."
