poetry portfolio

Poetry Portfolio                                                                                           Kevin Yoshimoto

Poem 1 (original):

Your fat and your selfish

You smell like dead fish.

You always smoke weed

And never done a good deed.

You're a puny onion-eyed maggot-pie

Who looks like they were raised in a pigsty.

And never will anyone like you

They hate every little thing you do.

So long as you're a dwarfish toad

I hope you get killed crossing a road.

Poem 1 (revised):

You're fat and selfish,

You smell of dead fish.

You smoke lots of weed,

And never do good deeds.

You're a puny onion-eyed maggot-pie,

And look like you've been raised in a pigsty.

And never will anyone like you,

Because they hate everything you do.

So long as you're a dwarfish toad,

I hope you get killed when crossing a road.

Reflection On Poem 1:

In this poem, I think my strength was being able to insult someone using different characteristics about them. For example, the poem insults the persons looks, personality, characteristics, and hopes for them to get killed. I think my weakness was at first finding a way to fit all the words with each other in the original. But by the revised poem, I think I improved a little in making the words fit into each other better. I was able to use old language insults such as onion-eyed maggot-pie and dwarfish toad. I think in the revised poem I was able to use less words that describe more of what I am trying to say. I tried to use my idea and thoughts of when I am angry at someone to make this poem and get all the emotions and thoughts about the person to fit in with each other in one poem.

Pome 2 (original):

I find space on the side of the road to sit

I wear clothes all the time that barely fit.

My beard is as long as a foot

And I often use things that I took.

I ride on buses to get around

And cash in cans and bottles I found.

I walk along highways all day and night

I look like a mess, an ugly sight.

I'm a vagabond, wheeling around a grocery cart

I often sleep on the side by Wal-Mart.

Poem 2 (revised):

I rest on the side of the road and sit,

I wear clothes all the time that barely fit.

My beard is all covered in soot,

And it's almost as long as a foot.

I ride on buses to get around,

And cash in cans and bottles I found.

I walk along highways all day and night,

I look like a mess, an ugly sight.

I'm a vagabond, wheeling around a grocery cart

I often sleep on the side of Wal-Mart.

Reflection On Poem 2:

In my riddle poem, I was trying to describe the looks and characteristics of a homeless man. I think my strength in this poem was being able to describe what homeless people actually do since we see them all the time. For example, they dig in trashcans looking for cans and bottles to redeem for cash, and they wheel around grocery carts filled with all of their belongings. I think my weakness in this poem is being able to use more descriptive words to tell how the homeless man is and use less simple words like instead of saying "I look like a mess, and ugly sight." I could say something to describe how messy and what makes me him look like a mess. I think in the revised poem, I was able to show a little more and tell a little less than the original poem by taking out unnecessary words that don't really add any value to the poem. I used my ideas of homeless people and what they do to describe in words how they act. I also tried to organize the poem so it rhymes and try to connect things together like "My beard is all covered in soot, and it's almost as long as a foot."